| Key Takeaways |
|---|
| – There are many tomato varieties that have funny, unusual, or creative names, such as Cow’s Tit, Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce, Sir Lycopene, The Great Tomato Escape, and Malakhitovaya Shkatulka. |
| – These names are based on the appearance, origin, or flavor of the tomatoes, or are puns, jokes, or references to other things. |
| – These varieties have different characteristics, such as color, shape, size, texture, and taste, and are suitable for different purposes, such as making sauce, paste, juice, salad, sandwich, burger, pizza, or soup. |
| – These varieties can be grown and enjoyed in your own garden, with some tips on how to plant, care for, and harvest them. |
Have you ever heard of Cow’s Tit, Drunken Woman, or Banana Legs? No, these are not jokes, but actual names of tomato varieties that are funny, unusual, or creative. If you are a gardener or a cook, you may be interested in learning more about these tomatoes, and how to grow and enjoy them in your own garden.
Tomatoes are one of the most popular and versatile fruits (yes, fruits) in the world, and there are thousands of varieties to choose from. Some of these varieties have common or descriptive names, such as Cherry, Beefsteak, or Plum, while others have more exotic or intriguing names, such as Green Zebra, Black Krim, or Hillbilly. But some of the most interesting and amusing names are those that make you laugh, smile, or wonder.
How are tomato varieties named, and why do some of them have funny names? Well, there are different ways that tomato varieties are named, depending on who developed or discovered them, and where they came from. Some varieties are named after their breeders, such as Brandywine, which was named after the Brandywine Creek in Pennsylvania, where it was first grown by Amish farmers. Some varieties are named after their places of origin, such as Roma, which originated in Italy, or San Marzano, which came from the town of San Marzano near Naples. Some varieties are named after their characteristics, such as Yellow Pear, which has a yellow color and a pear shape, or Mortgage Lifter, which was so productive and profitable that it helped a farmer pay off his mortgage. And some varieties are named after their flavors, such as Sweet 100, which has a high sugar content and produces about 100 fruits per plant, or Chocolate Cherry, which has a dark brown color and a rich flavor.
But some varieties are named for more humorous or whimsical reasons, such as Cow’s Tit, which looks like… well, you can guess. Or Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce, which is actually a type of lettuce that has frizzy leaves and a red tinge. Or Sir Lycopene, which is a pun on the pigment that gives tomatoes their red color and the name of Sir Lancelot, one of the Knights of the Round Table. Or The Great Tomato Escape, which is a catchy name for a variety that seems to have a mind of its own, with vines that wander all over the garden. Or Malakhitovaya Shkatulka, which is a Russian name that means “Malachite Box”, and is a beautiful green tomato that came to the U.S. in 2007.
In this article, you will learn about some of the funniest tomato names in the world, their origins, characteristics, and flavors, and how to grow and enjoy them in your own garden. Growing and enjoying funny tomato varieties can be a fun and rewarding experience for any gardener or cook. So, let’s get started!
Cow’s Tit
Cow’s Tit is a variety that looks like… well, you can guess. It has a long and pointed shape, with a pinkish-red color and a smooth skin. It is a paste tomato, which means it has a thick and meaty flesh, with few seeds and little juice. It is perfect for making sauce and paste, as it has a rich and concentrated flavor.
The origin of this variety is quite interesting. The original single plant was found in a Valle Crucis, North Carolina grower’s field associated with the Mast Farm Inn in 1994 by Keith Mueller. He was intrigued by the unusual shape of the tomato, and decided to save some seeds and grow them the next year. He named the variety Cow’s Tit, and shared some seeds with other tomato enthusiasts. Since then, the variety has become popular among gardeners who appreciate its humor and flavor.
If you want to grow Cow’s Tit in your garden, here are some tips:
- Start the seeds indoors about 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost date in your area. Transplant the seedlings outdoors when the soil is warm and the danger of frost is past.
- Choose a sunny and well-drained spot for your plants, and space them about 2 to 3 feet apart. Stake or cage the plants to support their weight and prevent them from sprawling on the ground.
- Water the plants regularly, but avoid overwatering or splashing water on the leaves, as this can cause diseases. Fertilize the plants with a balanced organic fertilizer every 2 to 3 weeks, or use compost or manure as a mulch.
- Prune the plants by removing the suckers, which are the side shoots that grow between the main stem and the branches. This will help the plants focus their energy on producing fruits, and improve the air circulation and sunlight exposure.
- Harvest the fruits when they are fully ripe, which is when they have a deep pink color and a soft texture. You can store the fruits at room temperature for a few days, or refrigerate them for longer.
Some ways to use and enjoy Cow’s Tit are:
- Make tomato ketchup, by cooking the tomatoes with vinegar, sugar, salt, and spices, and then blending them until smooth. You can store the ketchup in a jar in the refrigerator, or can it for longer shelf life.
- Make tomato salsa, by chopping the tomatoes and mixing them with onions, peppers, cilantro, and lime juice. You can add some salt, garlic, cumin, or other seasonings to your taste. You can serve the salsa with tortilla chips, tacos, burritos, or other Mexican dishes, or use it as a dip or a topping.
- Make tomato soup, by sautéing some onion and garlic in a pot, and then adding the tomatoes, water, salt, pepper, and basil. Bring the mixture to a boil, and then simmer it until the tomatoes are soft. You can blend the soup until smooth, or leave it chunky. You can add some cream, cheese, or croutons to make it more creamy and crunchy.
Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce
Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce is a variety that looks like a lettuce, but is actually a tomato. It has frizzy leaves that are green with a red tinge, and small yellow fruits that are round and sweet. It is a salad tomato, which means it is best eaten raw or used in salads, as it has a crisp and juicy texture and a nutty flavor.
The origin of this variety is not very clear, but it is believed to be an heirloom variety that has been cultivated for a long time. It is also known as Drunken Woman, Frizzy-Headed Woman, or Drunken Frizzy Woman. The name may be a reference to the appearance of the leaves, which look like a woman’s frizzy hair, or to the effect of the fruits, which may make you feel drunk or happy.
If you want to grow Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce in your garden, here are some tips:
- Start the seeds indoors about 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost date in your area. Transplant the seedlings outdoors when the soil is warm and the danger of frost is past.
- Choose a sunny and well-drained spot for your plants, and space them about 1 to 2 feet apart. You do not need to stake or cage the plants, as they are compact and bushy.
- Water the plants regularly, but avoid overwatering or splashing water on the leaves, as this can cause diseases. Fertilize the plants with a balanced organic fertilizer every 2 to 3 weeks, or use compost or manure as a mulch.
- Do not prune the plants, as this will reduce the production of fruits and leaves. You can pinch off the flowers if you want to encourage more leaf growth, or leave them if you want more fruits.
- Harvest the fruits when they are fully ripe, which is when they have a bright yellow color and a soft texture. You can also harvest the leaves at any time, as they are edible and tasty. You can store the fruits and leaves at room temperature for a few days, or refrigerate them for longer.
Some ways to use and enjoy Drunken Woman Frizzy-Headed Lettuce are:
- Make tomato salad, by slicing the tomatoes and tossing them with the leaves, and some cheese, nuts, or dried fruits. You can dress the salad with some oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and herbs, or use your favorite dressing.
- Make tomato sandwich, by spreading some butter, mayonnaise, or cream cheese on two slices of bread, and then adding the tomatoes and some lettuce, cheese, ham, or other ingredients. You can cut the sandwich in half and enjoy it with some chips or pickles.
- Make tomato burger, by grilling or frying a patty of ground meat, such as beef, chicken, or turkey, and then placing it on a bun with some tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, ketchup, mustard, or other condiments. You can serve the burger with some fries or salad.
Sir Lycopene
Sir Lycopene is a variety that looks like a knight in shining armor, or rather, a tomato in shining red. It has a round and smooth shape, with a bright red color and a glossy skin. It is a juice tomato, which means it has a thin and watery flesh, with many seeds and a lot of juice. It is perfect for making juice and smoothies, as it has a juicy and tangy flavor.
The origin of this variety is quite clever, as it is a punny name based on the pigment that gives tomatoes their red color and the name of Sir Lancelot, one of the Knights of the Round Table in Arthurian legend. The name was coined by Tom Wagner, a tomato breeder and enthusiast who has created many new and interesting varieties, such as Green Zebra, Tastiheart, and Blush. He named the variety Sir Lycopene to honor the health benefits of lycopene, which is an antioxidant that can protect against cancer, heart disease, and other diseases.
If you want to grow Sir Lycopene in your garden, here are some tips:
- Start the seeds indoors about 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost date in your area. Transplant the seedlings outdoors when the soil is warm and the danger of frost is past.
- Choose a sunny and well-drained spot for your plants, and space them about 2 to 3 feet apart. Stake or cage the plants to support their weight and prevent them from sprawling on the ground.
- Water the plants regularly, but avoid overwatering or splashing water on the leaves, as this can cause diseases. Fertilize the plants with a balanced organic fertilizer every 2 to 3 weeks, or use compost or manure as a mulch.
- Prune the plants by removing the suckers, which are the side shoots that grow between the main stem and the branches. This will help the plants focus their energy on producing fruits, and improve the air circulation and sunlight exposure.
- Harvest the fruits when they are fully ripe, which is when they have a bright red color and a soft texture. You can store the fruits at room temperature for a few days, or refrigerate them for longer.
Some ways to use and enjoy Sir Lycopene are:
- Make tomato juice, by blending the tomatoes with some water, salt, pepper, and celery. You can strain the juice if you want to remove the seeds and pulp, or leave it as it is. You can drink the juice as it is, or add some ice, lemon, or lime to make it more refreshing.
- Make tomato smoothie, by blending the tomatoes with some other fruits, vegetables, or dairy products, such as strawberries, spinach, or yogurt. You can add some honey, sugar, or stevia to sweeten the smoothie, or some vanilla, cinnamon, or nutmeg to spice it up. You can drink the smoothie as a snack or a breakfast, or freeze it to make popsicles.
- Make tomato cocktail, by mixing the tomato juice with some alcohol, such as vodka, gin, or tequila, and some other ingredients, such as Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco sauce, or lemon juice. You can garnish the cocktail with some celery, olives, or pickles, and serve it in a glass with some ice and salt. You can drink the cocktail as an appetizer or a party drink, or enjoy it on a hot day.
The Great Tomato Escape
The Great Tomato Escape is a variety that looks like it has a mind of its own, with vines that wander all over the garden. It has a large and irregular shape, with a red color and a ribbed skin. It is a sauce tomato, which means it has a firm and fleshy flesh, with few seeds and little juice. It is perfect for making sauce and paste, as it has a mild and meaty flavor.
The origin of this variety is quite catchy, as it is a reference to the movie The Great Escape, which is about a group of prisoners who escape from a Nazi camp during World War II. The name was given by Craig LeHoullier, a tomato collector and author who has grown and named many tomato varieties, such as Cherokee Purple, Lillian’s Yellow Heirloom, and Lucky Cross. He named the variety The Great Tomato Escape to describe its tendency to escape from its cage and spread all over the garden.
If you want to grow The Great Tomato Escape in your garden, here are some tips:
- Start the seeds indoors about 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost date in your area. Transplant the seedlings outdoors when the soil is warm and the danger of frost is past.
- Choose a sunny and well-drained spot for your plants, and space them about 3 to 4 feet apart. Cage the plants to contain their growth and prevent them from sprawling on the ground.
- Water the plants regularly, but avoid overwatering or splashing water on the leaves, as this can cause diseases. Fertilize the plants with a balanced organic fertilizer every 2 to 3 weeks, or use compost or manure as a mulch.
- Trim the plants by removing the excess vines that grow outside the cage, and the suckers that grow between the main stem and the branches. This will help the plants focus their energy on producing fruits, and prevent them from escaping and taking over the garden.
- Harvest the fruits when they are fully ripe, which is when they have a deep red color and a soft texture. You can store the fruits at room temperature for a few days, or refrigerate them for longer.
Some ways to use and enjoy The Great Tomato Escape are:
- Make tomato sauce, by cooking the tomatoes with some onion, garlic, salt, pepper, and basil, and then blending them until smooth. You can store the sauce in a jar in the refrigerator, or can it for longer shelf life.
- Make tomato paste, by cooking the tomatoes with some water, salt, and sugar, and then reducing them until thick and concentrated. You can store the paste in a jar in the refrigerator, or freeze it in ice cube trays for easy use.
- Make tomato pizza, by spreading some tomato sauce and cheese over a flat round base of dough, and then adding some other toppings, such as pepperoni, mushrooms, or olives. You can bake the pizza in the oven until the cheese is melted and the crust is golden. You can slice the pizza and serve it hot or cold.
Malakhitovaya Shkatulka
Malakhitovaya Shkatulka is a variety that looks like a jewel, or rather, a box of jewels. It has a oval and smooth shape, with a green color and a shiny skin. It is a salad tomato, which means it is best eaten raw or used in salads, as it has a crisp and juicy texture and a nice and fruity flavor.
The origin of this variety is quite exotic, as it is a Russian name that means “Malachite Box”. Malachite is a green mineral that is used as a gemstone or a decorative material. The name was given by Tamara Yaschenko, a tomato collector and breeder who lives in Biysk, Siberia, Russia. She sent some seeds of this variety to Tatiana Kouchnarev, another tomato collector and breeder who lives in Washington, USA, in a seed exchange in 2006. Tatiana grew the seeds and shared them with other tomato enthusiasts, and the variety became popular in the U.S.
If you want to grow Malakhitovaya Shkatulka in your garden, here are some tips:
- Start the seeds indoors about 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost date in your area. Transplant the seedlings outdoors when the soil is warm and the danger of frost is past.
- Choose a sunny and well-drained spot for your plants, and space them about 2 to 3 feet apart. You do not need to stake or cage the plants, as they are compact and bushy.
- Water the plants regularly, but avoid overwatering or splashing water on the leaves, as this can cause diseases. Fertilize the plants with a balanced organic fertilizer every 2 to 3 weeks, or use compost or manure as a mulch.
- Do not prune the plants, as this will reduce the production of fruits and leaves. You can pinch off the flowers if you want to encourage more leaf growth, or leave them if you want more fruits.
- Harvest the fruits when they are fully ripe, which is when they have a bright green color and a soft texture. You can store the fruits at room temperature for a few days, or refrigerate them for longer.
Some ways to use and enjoy Malakhitovaya Shkatulka are:
- Make tomato salad, by slicing the tomatoes and tossing them with some lettuce, cheese, nuts, or dried fruits. You can dress the salad with some oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and herbs, or use your favorite dressing.
- Make tomato sandwich, by spreading some butter, mayonnaise, or cream cheese on two slices of bread, and then adding the tomatoes and some lettuce, cheese, ham, or other ingredients. You can cut the sandwich in half and enjoy it with some chips or pickles.
- Make tomato burger, by grilling or frying a patty of ground meat, such as beef, chicken, or turkey, and then placing it on a bun with some tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, ketchup, mustard, or other condiments. You can serve the burger with some fries or salad.
Conclusion
You have learned about some of the funniest tomato names in the world, their origins, characteristics, and flavors, and how to grow and enjoy them in your own garden. Growing and enjoying funny tomato varieties can be a fun and rewarding experience for any gardener or cook. You can impress your friends and family with your humor and creativity, and delight your taste buds with your delicious and nutritious tomatoes.
Why not try some of these funny tomato varieties, or explore other funny tomato names online or in seed catalogs? You may find some that make you laugh, smile, or wonder. Remember, a tomato by any other name would taste as sweet, but not as funny. Happy gardening and cooking!
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